EPISODE CXXXVIII - THE ADVENTURES OF STEVE, THE REMEDIAL HYGIENE INSTRUCTOR
"Anything else?", Reed queried Number Two as Schultz returned to the bridge in a neatly pressed uniform.
"Negative.", Lt. Scott replied with a shrug.
Schultz came to attention directly in front of the commander. "Sir", he intoned emotionless, "I would like to apologize for my earlier..."
Reed waved him silent. "We have more important things to worry about, Mr. Schultz. We think we may have found a Wyzenhymer starship."
Schultz moved directly to his console and began punching keys seemingly at random, his right brow arching with interest. "It's definitely one of their ships", he said, turning to Reed, "but I don't
believe it will cause us too much trouble."
Reed regarded him curiously as Number Two leaned closer to look over the science officer's shoulder. "Why not?", he asked skeptically.
"Because", Schultz continued, "that particular ship is a Smegma Class Freighter." He searched their faces for understanding but found only more confusion. "The Smegma Class", he
explained, "was an early model of the old ABBA Class research ships."
"Like the one at the Space Fleet Aeronautical Museum and Eatery?!?", Number Two exclaimed excitedly. "Those are junk."
Schultz nodded. "By today's standards, yes", he observed, "but at the time they were introduced, they were state of the art." He looked at Reed noting his dark expression, indicative of
his distaste for "techie-talk". "What I'm saying here, Commander, is that what we have out there is one of the Wyzenhymers' earliest space worthy vehicles."
"So you don't see it as a threat?", Reed asked.
"No, sir.", Schultz confirmed. "In fact, I suspect that model still uses solid projectile missiles in their turret guns.", he added, chuckling lightly.
His mirth was not lost on his companions. Lt. Scott felt the tension drain away and began to laugh, and even the ever stern Reed joined in until the entire bridge was engulfed in laughter.
"And, of course", Reed said wiping a tear out of his eye, "the shields are calibrated against solid projectiles, right."
The science officer's laughing died out and he paled noticeably. "Well no, Commander", Schultz replied soberly, "they're not."
"Well we'd better get them calibrated then.", Reed intoned lightly, not wanting to break the mood.
"Roger", Mr. Schultz said, now fully recovered from his uncommonly emotional outburst. He keyed the communications switch. "Bridge to engineering."
"Engineering here.", Ensign Hibbard returned quickly.
"Roger Ensign, re-calibrate shields for non-energy projectiles."
There was a pause. "Can you repeat, Bridge?", Hibbard asked nervously.
"I say again", Mr. Schultz replied with mild agitation, "re-calibrate shields for non-energy projectiles."
"I thought that's what you said, sir", Hibbard acknowledged, his voice thin, "but we can't do that."
Schultz shook his head in frustration. "You are able to do it when we enter asteroid fields, Ensign", he remarked, "why can't you do it now?"
"Well the instruction disc was fried when the Origami Drive activated.", he explained.
"So am I correct in assuming that nobody knows how to correctly re-calibrate the shields.", the science officer asked as he looked over at the commander.
"Well, no", Hibbard confirmed, "no one but Mr. Jeffy."
