EPISODE CLXVI - CANNIBAL BLOOPERS AND PRACTICAL JOKES




The powerful gravitational beam from the USS Escort latched onto Schrader's badly damaged XP-2000, and began to drag it ponderously inward.

"Easy now, Anda", Number two cautioned, "it's gets a little tricky when it enters the ship's gravitational field."

"Much like the flight of a honey bee as it draws near its nest", Anda observed, deftly performing his assigned task.

"Uh, yeah", Lt. Scott characteristically agreed, "just like that."

"How goes it, men?", Reed asked, stepping up to the duo and placing a paternal hand on the Number Two's shoulder.

"Very well", the lieutenant replied, "Anda seems to have an innate grasp of the Suck Beam's functionality."

Reed gave the android an approving nod.  "Excellent, Mr. Anda."  He turned to the science officer.  "Mr. Schultz, would you accompany me to the salvage hangar?"

"Me?", the Huckster asked, mildly surprised.  "Who would assume command of the bridge?"

"Why, Lt. Scott", Reed stated grandly.  "That is, if he's up to it."

"You mean it?", Number Two inquired, barely able to contain his excitement.

"Of course I do, Lieutenant", Reed replied, moving toward the door.  "The bridge is yours."

Mr. Schultz followed him out, waiting until the doors had closed before he spoke.  "Do you really think it's a good idea leaving him in charge?"

A smug grin crept over Reed's face.  "Afraid I'm replacing you?"

"With a child?", Schultz mused.  "I hardly think so."  He continued to meet the commander's pace, choosing his words carefully.  "He is something of a doofus."

"Elaborate, Mr. Schultz", Reed suggested.

"It's just that if there's trouble around, the lieutenant seems to find it."

Reed chuckled softly.  "I know it may seem that way..."

"Two of the last three times he left the ship", Schultz interjected, "he came back on a stretcher."

"The same could be said for half of our crew", Reed pointed out, "yet the last time he came back without a scratch."

"He's just so damned agreeable", the science officer griped.  "Yes sir', 'great idea sir', blah, blah, blah., smooch, smooch, smooch...""And what's your point here?", the commander asked.

"What if somebody", Schultz offered, "what if VanTedly made one of his 'suggestions'?"  "The lieutenant would be so concerned with protecting that oaf's feelings, he'd probably let him drive the ship!"  "I don't think it will come to that, Mr. Schultz", Reed tried to soothe his irritated crew mate.  "In fact, I think that you'll find..."

Klaxon horns began sounding throughout the corridor, cutting short Reed's statement.  The two senior officers shared a look of concern before breaking into a run back toward the bridge.